another moral hangover. fuck.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
