I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
