I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
FUCK WHALES
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