the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
