If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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