there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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