the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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