I think i peed on brittanys purse
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
