a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
