Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
