Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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