mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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