bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Is it penis luge time yet?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
