I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
