Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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