the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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