i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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