I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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