Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
