trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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