just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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