I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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