you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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