I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
