The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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