We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
