I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
