But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
