"it" just moved
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Enjoy the penises
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
