It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
