I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
