Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
