Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
