And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
