Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
