Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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