Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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