Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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