There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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