the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
