I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
and you fell through a lawn chair
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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