nutella sex= disaster
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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