You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
