Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
