So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Can Purell be used as lube?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let's get the cat blown out
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
