My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
