remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
