dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
