i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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