I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
