I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
