I think I died a long time ago.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
